yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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