Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
