Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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