My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just pee around me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize