70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
