marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
