guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
