Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
