i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
