I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
