Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
