Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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