So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
