Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
