Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
