recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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