if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
