Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did you just send me my own nude
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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