Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this just has baby written all over it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
