I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
