Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
