Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
