how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
