Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
