So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
