shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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