so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
