The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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