I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize