uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
