i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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