You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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