It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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