Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
