Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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