Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
