You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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