I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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