Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
