hotel room ftw
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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