Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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