just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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