my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
