walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
