ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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