We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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