I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize