Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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