I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
