I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
