i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
