dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
