This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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