You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize