i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
