went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
why is half of my head shaved?
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