his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize