You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
