please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
