Christians are straight up FREAKS
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
