fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
