how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
