if i died would you start the facebook group?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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