There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
