I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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