Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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