When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
