Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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