:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
