Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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