I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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