I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
