Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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