Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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