I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
