Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
