How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
