im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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