I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
