the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize