Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize