Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
