Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
