life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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