I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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