and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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