Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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