Buhtt sex?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
