My first STD was from a foam party
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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