I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
