It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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