this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
