i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
