we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
