____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize