Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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