i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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