Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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