Only a mothe r could love this liver
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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