i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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