Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize